


[Podfic] The Contract

by bendingwind



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M, Podfic, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 06:03:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bendingwind/pseuds/bendingwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for Cecil's contract to be renegotiated, with unexpected consequences.</p><p>[6:39, transcript included]</p>
            </blockquote>





	[Podfic] The Contract

**Author's Note:**

> Background music is _It Is Far Away_ by Open Work Stocking, free for use under creative commons licence.
> 
> As far as I am aware, Arby's chicken products are perfectly acceptable. I wouldn't count on Starbucks not being evil and murderous, though.
> 
> Inspired by [this](http://nightvaleheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/54763664330/carlos-is-meant-to-be-perfect-he-was-made-by) Night Vale headcanon post.
> 
> Thanks to [sabinelagrande](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande) for the hosting assistance!

**Length** : 6:39, ~1100 words  


[Download/Alternate Player](http://sabinelagrande.parakaproductions.com/the_contract.mp3) (right click - save, 6.1mb)

**Transcript:**

I fear, Night Vale, that it’s that time of the decade again; Mr. Cecil is renegotiating his contract with Station Management. I, Intern Annmarie, am filling in for him on this one special day that comes around every decade. Welcome to Night Vale

It seems, ladies and gentlemen, that Mr. Cecil was the only citizen of this town who _wasn’t_ aware that Carlos--with his perfect hair and his perfect, square jaw--anyway, that Carlos’ continued existence was contingent on his former contract with Station Management! I bet even you, mysterious stranger driving through our town in a large, yellow pick-up truck, knew about Carlos!

* * *

In other news, the local chapter of the NRA has selected Joe the Butcher’s suggested slogan, “We’re all just meatsacks anyway, guns don’t change nothin’” as their new slogan. We contacted Joe the Butcher to ask how he felt about his victory, but were redirected to the city morgue. 

They said: “Leave us alone, do you know how _hard_ it is to sew up the damage done by six rifles, two handguns, and a sawed-off shotgun? _Do you?”_

* * *

Reports are coming in that the lights above the Arby’s Parking Lot are migrating towards the elementary school. Given that the elementary school is on the other side of town, I am not entirely sure how they _know_ that, but I am absolutely certain that it is true. The reports are coming from Night Vale’s Secret Police.

If only we had Carlos here to help us understand what was happening. I do hope that Station Management and Mr. Cecil are quick to renegotiate his contract, listeners.

* * *

And now, a word from our sponsors:

Twenty of the local Starbucks would like you to know that they have successfully driven the Coffee People shop, which was known to sell coffee without forgetfulness potion, out of town. They were previously located next to the Black Void across from the Ralph’s, and are now a _second_ Black Void.

You’re welcome.

Employees of all grocery stores, restaurants and any other businesses that might be investigated for food safety are reminded that they are required to consume at least eight ounces of coffee with half an ounce of forgetfulness potion before coming in to work each day. Starbucks is a proud provider of this service, and can hardly _wait_ to see you.

* * *

Mr. Cecil has just stopped by on his way to grab lunch. His stare seemed rather vague and confused, and I noticed, listeners, that his left hand kept clenching absently. I do not think he is handling the absence of Carlos well at all.

He said something about grabbing lunch at the Arby’s, but I am worried about his ability to drive safely. He seemed very pale and shaken. Listeners, please consider praying to the angels that definitely don’t exist, the City Council would like to remind you, for Mr. Cecil’s safety as he drives to the Arby’s for lunch. 

Also, a friendly reminder that their chicken only tastes like chicken, and all seniors, adults, and children should avoid their Cravin’ Chicken Sandwich, Prime-Cut Chicken tenders, Chicken Bacon Swiss Sandwich, and Chicken Cordon Bleu Sandwich.

Trust me.

Don’t eat the chicken.

* * *

It seems that the Night Vale Daily Journal is finally declaring bankruptcy! Concerned employees informed me that this was a surprise to them, as the journal was selling very well indeed and they had been expecting nice Christmas bonuses. They were even more surprised to discover that they had not, in fact, been employed for over a year. 

A concerned father was heard to ask, “But then where have my paychecks been coming from?”

* * *

Doubtless the now unemployed newspapermen and women of the Night Vale Daily Journal can console themselves with the fact that a new exhibit is opening at the Children’s Science Museum. It demonstrates how grey gloop harvested from an eggplant left to rot in the shade of a blood stone circle can be used to create a clock that incorrectly tells time! Children will be able to watch an instructional video, obtain an eggplant and, when they return with the appropriate grey gloop, construct their very own lie clock!

Thanks to Pleasant Smith, Randy Hochzeit and--oh--and Carlos for their contributions to this exhibit.

* * *

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cecil has returned to the studio! He appeared to be just as vague and confused as before, but considerably less pale, so I think we can safely say that he did not eat the chicken!

As we speak, he’s slipping an envelope beneath the door. There’s trashing and a loud moaning--I’ve never heard _that_ one before!--coming from inside Station Management’s office. Do you suppose Cecil has given them his demands for his new contract?

More on this situation as it develops.

* * *

And now, traffic.

The stranger in the large, yellow pick-up truck, yes, you, is still driving through our little town. In fact, he’s driving so slowly that it has caused something of a hazard, as hundreds of cars pile up behind him.

Businesses of Night Vale, your employees would like you to know that they _are_ coming in today, and they weren’t even running late, no ma’am, but they can hardly be held responsible for a large, yellow truck driving down the main street of the city at approximately two and a half miles per hour.

The Secret Police declined to comment, but one was seen to finger one of the blowdarts strapped around his neck.

* * *

And now, the weather:

City Council has cancelled the official weather today. They council that you find your own or, if that is too much trouble, simply do without.

Nobody _needs_ weather.

* * *

Listeners, the moaning coming from Station Management died down during weather, and Mr. Cecil dropped by to let me know that they have accepted his contract. You can expect him back tomorrow, reporting on the town’s news, traffic, and weather, just as he always does, every evening , except for once every decade, my dear, dear Night Vale.

I am also happy to report that Carlos was with him, his perfect hair and perfect smile and practically perfect existence apparently restored. I’m sure you’re all every bit as glad as I am; Carlos sure helps out a lot around here!

One is left to wonder, though, what Cecil had to bargain to regain his precious, perfect Carlos? What would you give up for the person you loved? Would you sell everything you owned? Would you sacrifice a vital organ in your blood stone circle? Would you sacrifice _several_ vital organs?

Would you... sell your soul?

Tonight, rest safe and beloved in the arms of those you care about, and remember: City Council guarantees the safety of a loved one for up to a year in exchange for an organ, removed in an approved facility and delivered to them on ice within an hour of removal.

Good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.


End file.
